The Bachelorette - featuring The Guy with the Mask

Believe it or not this is the 22nd season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  I am a relatively new watcher of this show.  Those darn producers are very tricksy and suck you in by recycling the same people from one season to the next.  I was just going to watch one season to give it a try.  One season.  I watched the Jake season and ended up having to go to the eye doctor to get treatment for damage caused by excessive eye rolling.  If I had a dollar for every time he said he was "falling for" someone, I would have about 3000 dollars.  Not enough money to retire to Florida but enough to buy a nice scooter or a couch or something.  Anyway, after Jake's season ended I found myself watching the first episode of the next season of the Bachelorette "just to see what happens with Ali" and BAM, I'm hooked.  I know it is dumb, I'm not trying to pretend that it's not.  You know you all have those guilty pleasure shows that you secretly watch, so don't judge me.  Ok, you can judge me a little since I have several embarrassing guilty pleasure shows.

My favorite bachelor so far this season, hands down, is Jeff...the guy in the mask.  For those of you that have missed the first 2 episodes, let me fill you in with everything you need to know:  Jeff wants to be judged on his personality instead of his looks so he has decided to wear a mask.  All the time.  Here is my letter to him:

Dear Guy in the Mask,

Bravo to you for trying to make a social statement!  Bra-vo.  We need more 35 year old, reality show contestant/entrepreneur divorcees like you standing up for inner beauty.  I get what you are trying to do.  I also applaud your commitment to the whole thing.  You are not only hiding your face but you are also constantly peering awkwardly over the balcony at everyone.  Nice touch.  I am not so much against the mask in theory.  I am, however, not a fan of the particular mask that you have chosen.  It looks as though you decided on a 1-inch thick, rubber, full-face covering.  Interesting choice.  I assume that you felt as though you might suffocate wearing the full face mask in the California heat so instead of finding a smaller, lighter mask' you decided to just saw off the bottom half of the giant mask.  

Guy in the Mask, just between you and me, you are starting to panic a little bit now aren't you?  There is no way that you planned to wear the mask for this long.  How do you sleep?  How do you shower?  I'm glad the producers of the show included a shot of you sitting on the toilet so that we knew you were in fact ALWAYS wearing the mask.  I'm guessing you had planned to reveal your face in all of its glory to Ashley at the perfect moment.  Unfortunately, just as that "perfect" moment arrived, one of the other dudes interrupted with, "hey man, can I steal Ashley away for a minute?"  You were then left, still masked, sitting on a dark staircase...alone.  Now you have to give her the whole I'm-revealing-the-face-once-and-for-all speech again.

Let me ask you this...what reaction are you hoping to get from Ashley at your big facial reveal?  Have you thought about the awkward position you are putting her in?  Chances are she will be thinking, "oh, neat...a face" but with so much buildup she will feel like she has to say something more exciting that will in no way be genuine.

At least you know that Ashley is keeping you around because she is completely interested in you.  That is why they call it reality TV, because if it wasn't reality the producers would probably make her keep you on the show to boost ratings even though she was zero percent attracted to you.  Good thing that's not the case.

Good luck to you my friend.  Can't wait to see yo' face!

Karen